His Name Was Christian: A Lesson in Communication With Children

Years ago, I directed a large afterschool childcare program on the campus of an elementary school. We had about 190 children attending each day. The first day of school was always stressful — new names, new faces, new classrooms, new schedules. This particular year added a twist.

The elementary school we were housed at needed to open a North Campus to handle a growing student body. Some of our enrolled children were assigned to attend the new location about half a mile away. We wanted to keep serving those families, so we arranged for one of our Youth Bus vans to pick them up. Now, on top of the usual first-day madness, we had transportation to a new school in the mix.

We'd spent weeks preparing — pick-up locations, school coordination, staff briefings — but I still knew the first day would need extra attention. That morning, I met with my staff to review logistics, including the pick-up list and a few new enrollees.

We had already met most of the new children at our Welcome Night. One parent, though, had enrolled their child the day before school started and pleaded for him to begin on day one. I reluctantly agreed. None of us had met him in person. All we knew was that he was in first grade, and his name was Christian.

The First Day at the North Campus

On that first day, I wanted to be at the North Campus myself to make sure everything went smoothly. I arrived early and waited outside with my staff for the bell to ring. The moment it did, my whole focus narrowed to one thing: finding Christian.

I scanned the kids coming out and spotted a boy who matched the description his mother had given. He looked lost. A little scared. Probably uncertain because he hadn't seen our program before.

Assuming he was our boy, I walked up and gently asked, "Are you Christian?"

He looked startled. Then he furrowed his brow and said, indignantly, "No! I'm Jewish!" Before I could explain, he stomped off.

I found the actual Christian a few minutes later. He made it safely to our program.

A Communication Lesson

I learned several lessons that day — including never to enroll a child at the last minute again. But the real one was about communicating with kids.

Children need more than your words. They need to understand them. A simple question, without any context, can land completely differently than you intend. Communication isn't just about speaking. It's about making sure the message arrives the way you meant it.

Kids are still developing their vocabulary and frame of reference. They process language differently than adults. Misunderstandings cause confusion, frustration, sometimes fear. That's why word choice matters so much in childcare — more, honestly, than it does in most adult settings.

And here's the part that's worth saying as a leader: this isn't a skill any one staff member figures out on their own. It needs to be taught. Your teachers make hundreds of micro-communications with children every day, and the difference between a great day and a hard one often comes down to how skillfully those small moments get handled.

Three Things to Train Into Your Staff

1. It's not what you say. It's how they hear it.

My four kids were raised in the same environment — same rules, same expectations. They couldn't be more different. My daughter loves sarcasm; we tease each other constantly. (Sidebar: I would not advise anyone to use sarcasm in a childcare setting.) One of my sons is more sensitive, and sarcasm would crush him. Same parent, two completely different ways of saying the same thing.

The lesson for your staff: every child is a different audience. Help your team learn how each child receives language — direct or gentle, literal or playful, quick or slow. That knowledge is what turns supervision into connection.

2. It's not what you see. It's how they see it.

Read the room. Observe behavior. Is the child having a bad day? Do they seem off? Kids don't always tell you when something is wrong, so paying attention to non-verbal cues matters more than the words ever will.

Train staff to actively read those cues. The teacher who notices the difference between a quiet child and a withdrawing child is the teacher who prevents the small thing from becoming a big one.

3. It's not how you feel. It's how they feel.

Show children they matter. That can be hard when you're managing a group, but it's worth the effort. Celebrate their accomplishments. Make a big deal of birthdays. The small recognitions are what land.

This is the principle staff most often forget when they're tired or overwhelmed. Build it into your culture — recognition isn't a luxury reserved for good days. It's the daily practice that keeps children feeling seen.

Why This Training Pays Off

When your staff are skilled at communicating with children, four things shift across the program:

• Children feel safer. The experience they're having actually matches the words they're hearing. Confusion goes down. Trust goes up.
• Fewer behavioral incidents. A surprising number of meltdowns start as misunderstandings. Skilled communicators interrupt them at the source.
• Fewer parent complaints. Children go home and talk. The "Miss Sarah didn't understand me" story doesn't end at the dinner table — it ends in your inbox the next morning. Training prevents that loop before it starts.
• Stronger staff confidence. Teachers who feel competent in their language with children take on harder moments more willingly. Avoidant staff create avoidant classrooms.

How to Build This Into Your Staff

You can't lecture good communication into a team. It has to be modeled and practiced. A few ways to embed it:

• Use real misfires as teaching moments. When a communication slips — a child gets confused, a staff member uses language a kid couldn't follow — debrief it. Not to shame, but to learn. "How could that have landed better?"
• Watch the floor. Spend time observing classroom communication. Listen for the language teachers use during transitions, corrections, and casual moments. You'll spot habits good and bad you'd never catch from the office.
• Train language explicitly. In staff meetings, practice phrases for common moments — redirecting behavior, explaining a "no," delivering news a child won't want to hear. The phrases that work aren't obvious until someone shows them.
• Recognize specific examples. When a staff member handles a moment beautifully, name it: "I noticed how you got down to her level and rephrased your question when she didn't understand." What gets noticed gets repeated.

Communication Is the Foundation of Trust

When your staff choose their words carefully and make sure they land the way they intended, you create an environment where children feel seen, heard, and valued. That's the foundation everything else builds on — trust with the child, trust with the family, and a program that feels different the moment a parent walks through the door.

Worth Sitting With

• When was the last time I observed how my staff communicate with children — not for a performance review, but to coach the small moments?
• Which member of my team needs the most help in this area? What's one specific thing I could model for them this week?
• If a parent overheard my staff's communication with their child today, would they walk away thinking "they really get my kid" — or "I'm not sure they listened"?

Coach the Small Moments.

Coaching your team in the small moments of communication is hard to scale on your own. The Director's Toolkit inside Director Zen gives you the communication strategies and people management tools to train your staff in the language that actually lands with children. Built specifically for the seat you're in. Start Your Membership →

This blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or regulatory advice. Childcare regulations vary by state — check with your local licensing agency to ensure compliance.