Leader Essentials

Practical habits and mindset shifts to help leaders go from surviving to thriving!

Becoming a director is a big deal—and a big transition.
Suddenly, you’re not just leading a classroom. Now you are managing a team, guiding a community, and making dozens of decisions a day—many of them unfamiliar.

You might feel excited. Or overwhelmed. Or both.

‍

The Honeymoon Phase Is Real (But It Doesn’t Last Forever)

For many new directors, the first few months—sometimes even the first couple of years—feel great. Sure, there are issues, but overall the team is friendly,the families are welcoming, and the classroom routines are running fairly smoothly.

I call this “the honeymoon phase.”

It happens when you’re walking into a relatively well-run center, with a solid team and systems built by the previous director. Your excitement for the new role fuels your energy. The smiles feel easier. The days, lighter.

But eventually, something shifts. Maybe it’s a staffing shortage. A difficult parent. A mistake you weren’t prepared for.

‍

It All Comes Crashing Down!

I remember it vividly. I was the director of a decent-sized center—with 187children attending daily. We were heading out on an annual director retreat inLake Arrowhead, California. I was excited. Up until this point my center had run smoothly without a hitch. I felt like I was pretty good at this “directing" thing.

We arrived at the cabin and within 30 minutes I got a call from my assistant director. There was an urgent matter. A parent was furious and needed to talk to me “now.” For several hours I dealt with the situation while my fellow directors enjoyed the mountain air and free time.

The rest of the “retreat” I spent trying to repair a damaged relationship with a long-time family. That began a series of new issues I had not experienced before, and the next six months became my battleground of director survival.

‍

The 4 Phases of Leadership

Every director moves through four broad phases of leadership. Each one comeswith opportunities, challenges, and common traps:

1.     Surviving– You’re just trying to stay afloat, reacting more than leading. Days feel likeputting out fires, and decisions are driven by urgency, not strategy. The traphere is believing this season will never end. The key is to keep moving forward, not staying stuck.

2.     Growing– You begin finding your rhythm, building structure, and gaining confidence.You’re experimenting with delegation, refining routines, and learning from mistakes. The trap here is perfectionism—thinking you need to get it all right the first time. Growth is messy, and that’s okay.

3.     Guiding– You shift from managing tasks to shaping people, culture, and direction.You’re mentoring staff, strengthening systems, and influencing the overall environment. The trap here is control—forgetting that your job isn’t to do everything, but to empower others to do it well.

4.     Thriving– You lead with clarity and balance, multiplying your impact through others.Challenges still come, but they don’t derail you. You’re proactive instead of reactive, and your leadership creates stability for your staff, families, and children. The trap here is complacency—assuming you’ve “arrived.” Thriving requires continuous renewal.

The truth? Everyone starts in surviving. That’s normal. The challenge is not to stay there too long. The goal is to move forward—growing,guiding, and eventually thriving.

‍

Surviving by Hiding

Fight or flight is a natural human response. While we think it only applies to physically dangerous situations, it also includes any situation where we feel threatened—including work issues.

I once had a new director who was thrilled to step into her role. For about six months, everything ran smoothly—classic honeymoon phase! But then came her first parent complaint. Then another. And another. Suddenly, every time aparent called or asked to speak with her, she braced herself for criticism.

One afternoon, she spotted a parent walking in—a parent who had complained previously—and heading toward her office. Overwhelmed and anxious, the directorpanicked...

She hid under her desk.

Yes, this really happened. And no—I don’t recommend it.

She knew it wasn’t the “professional” thing to do. But in that moment, she wasn’t thinking like a leader. She was thinking about surviving. It was classic fight or flight—and she flew, or in this case, hid.

There is no growth in flight, or hiding. The only way to move from the surviving stage of leadership is by facing it head on—by fighting.

From Surviving to Thriving

Whether you experience the honeymoon phase of directing, or you are thrown into a dumpster fire of a center, at some point you will feel like you are barely surviving. That phase is draining, and we want to make it as short as possible.

New leadership often comes with a heavy internal pressure—not just to perform, but to prove. That pressure can lead directors into common traps:

·       Fix-it mode (solving everything yourself)

·       Perfection mode (feeling like you can’t mess up)

·       Isolation mode (withdrawing when things feel too hard)

Sound familiar?

The truth is—you don’t need to have all the answers. You just need a foundation. And a little space to grow into the role.

The question is: How do you shorten the survival season and step into growth with more confidence?

That’s where the Circle of Competence comes in.

‍

Circle of Competence

Warren Buffet often talks about working within your Circle of Competence. In other words, concentrating on what you know best.

Most of us were selected to be directors because of success with running a classroom. We weren’t business majors or graduates of leadership academies. We were teachers—really good ones—who became leaders. And we decided to becomeleaders to make a difference.

Some of the best leaders didn’t step into management because they were trained for it—they stepped in because their purpose wouldn’t let them stand back.

There are three areas of the Circle of Competence:

1.     What you know – The knowledge and skills that directly matter to your work and you can confidently control. This is your safe zone—where your experience and training allow you to act with confidence.

2.     What you think you know (the Danger Zone) – The gray area where confidence outruns competence. Here, mistakes are common and trust is easily eroded.

3.     What you don’t know – The area you openly admit. Here, wise leaders ask questions, seek input, and learn before acting.

At first glance, the Danger Zone may not seem more threatening than the other areas. But in leadership, it’s often the most hazardous place to operate.Why? Because it feels like you’re on solid ground—but you’re not.

The Danger Zone is where “fake it till you make it” lives. While that phrase can sometimes help build personal confidence, in leadership it backfires. Staff don’t need a director who has an answer for everything; they need one who knowswhen to pause, gather more information, and ask for help.

This zone is where knee-jerk decisions are made:

·       A quick response to a parent, only to later learn policy said otherwise.

·       A snap judgment in a staff conflict that makes the problem worse.

·       An authoritative answer given to save face—only to lose credibility later.

Leaders who operate here too often slip back into survival mode. A“know-it-all” leader may think they’re building confidence, but to subordinates, it usually feels arrogant or dismissive.

Here’s the truth: Leadership isn’t about always being right. It’s about doing right.

The best leaders recognize when they’ve drifted into the Danger Zone. They slow down, check facts, and lean on others. Far from weakening leadership, this humility strengthens it—because it builds credibility and trust.

‍

Growing Your Circle of Competence

The good news is this: you don’t have to live in the Danger Zone. The more you learn, reflect, and build support around you, the less time you’ll spend making shaky decisions—and the more often you’ll lead from a place of confidence.

Your Circle of Competence isn’t fixed. It’s like a muscle. At first, it’s small and limited. But every time you learn, reflect, or ask for help, you strengthen it. Over time, what once felt heavy becomes second nature. The more you exercise it, the less you find yourself straining at the edges where mistakes happen.

And the larger your circle gets, the more you can:

·       Avoid costly mistakes.

·       Step out of survival mode faster.

·       Lead with credibility and calm instead of panic.

‍

So how do you expand your circle? By leaning into three essential practices:

1.     Learn intentionally. Read, attend trainings, ask mentors, and don’t shy away from professional development. Every new piece of knowledge expandsyour circle and reduces the size of your danger zone.

2.     Reflect often. After big decisions (especially the tough ones), ask: What worked? What didn’t? What will I do differently next time?Reflection turns experiences into wisdom.

3.     Build community. Other directors, mentors, and peers become extensions of your circle. When you don’t know, someone else often does—and their input becomes part of your growth.

The goal isn’t to know everything. In fact, you never will. The goal is to keep your circle expanding so survival mode becomes shorter, growth comes quicker, and thriving becomes your default.

So what does this look like in practice? Here are a few small, daily habits that will help you thrive—and help your Circle of Competence grow faster.

‍

Quick Tips for Thriving as a Director

Daily habits build momentum. These small shifts can help you grow yourCircle of Competence and move through the phases of leadership faster:

·       Listen first. You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. The best leaders gather information before making decisions. Listening builds trust, prevents blind spots, and shows your staff and families that their voices matter. You can’t make wise decisions until you have the full picture.

·       Ask, don’t guess. Admitting “I don’t know” shows strength, not weakness. It prevents mistakes, accelerates your learning, and models humility for your team.

·       Pause before reacting. Not every “urgent” issue is truly urgent, and not every situation needs an immediate answer. Take a breath, ask clarifying questions, and respond with perspective instead of panic. And when something does require urgency—like physical safety or first aid—you can still pause long enough to center yourself so you make the best call.

·       Find your people. Build a network of mentors, fellow directors, and trusted colleagues. A strong support system helps you avoid isolation and gives you perspective when challenges hit.

·       Protect your energy. Leadership is a marathon, not a sprint.Boundaries—like leaving on time, saying no to non-essentials, and carving out personal time—keep you sustainable.

·       Celebrate small wins. Progress is more important than perfection.Recognize when your staff grows, when systems improve, or when you handle a situation better than before. These wins fuel resilience.

·       Keep learning on purpose. Read, train, ask, and reflect. Each new piece of knowledge expands your circle—and shrinks the time you spend in survival mode.

Final Thoughts

Directing will always come with surprises—calls, complaints, staff shortages, difficult parents. Those moments don’t have to define you or drain you. With purpose, they become opportunities to listen, to learn, and to grow.

Every leader begins in survival mode. That’s normal. But you don’t have to stay there. By recognizing the Danger Zone, setting boundaries, and building habits that expand your Circle of Competence, you shorten the survival season and step more quickly into growing, guiding, and thriving.

Because when you’re clear on what you know, honest about what you don’t, and willing to slow down, listen, and ask before reacting, the daily interruptions stop feeling like constant disruptions. They become part of the mission—reminders that you’re trusted, capable, and making a difference.

In the end, thriving isn’t about having fewer problems. It’s about facing them with confidence, clarity, and purpose—so your leadership doesn’t just survive, it multiplies impact for your staff, your families, and the children you serve.

Key Takeaways

·       Leadership is a journey through four phases: Surviving, Growing,Guiding, Thriving. Everyone starts in survival—but the goal is to keep moving forward.

·       Expanding your Circle of Competence helps you shorten the survival season and grow with more confidence.

·       TheDanger Zone—what you think you know—is the riskiest place to lead from. Humility and curiosity protect you from costly mistakes.

·       Thriving leadership requires boundaries, reflection, community, and a commitment to listening before acting.

·       Daily habits like listening first, asking instead of guessing, pausing before reacting, and celebrating small wins build momentum for thriving leadership.

Resources & Tools

·      Train Your Staff Handout – Use this one-page, editable download to introduce the Circle of Competence to your teachers. It helps staffrecognize strengths, avoid the Danger Zone, and grow with confidence.

·      Circle of Competence Diagram – A simple visual guide to what you know, what you think you know (Danger Zone), and what you don’t know.

·      4 Phases of Leadership Graphic – A roadmap for moving from surviving to thriving as a leader.

·      Quick Tips Checklist – A printable reference to keep on your desk as a daily reminder of healthy leadership habits.

·      Peer Support – Connect with other directors in My Community to share strategies, encouragement, and real-world solutions.

Reflection & Action

Reflection Prompt: Think about your current leadership stage: Are you surviving, growing, guiding, or thriving? Where are you most tempted to slip into the Danger Zone—and what would listening first or asking instead of guessing look like in that situation?

Your Next Step:

·       Write down one area inside your Circle of Competence—and one area you often think you know but aren’t sure of. Make a plan to strengthen or delegate that “danger zone” area this week.

·       Share your insight in My Community and encourage two peers by commenting on their posts.

·       SuggestedNext: Read Lead With Purpose: Start With Why to reconnect with your personal vision and align it with your leadership journey.

‍