Introduction: The Recovery Room

I was still in the recovery room when my phone rang.

I had just come out of shoulder surgery. The anesthesia was wearing off. A nurse was checking my vitals. My family was nearby.

And my phone was ringing.

It was a child and parent issue. It felt like it might escalate. There was tension. Emotion. Uncertainty.

It was not an emergency.

Everyone knew I was in surgery.

And still — the call came.

I answered.

In that moment, I didn’t feel dramatic or angry. I felt tired. Deeply tired. The kind of tired that settles into your bones.

I remember thinking, How can I not even be gone for a few hours without something unraveling?

And beneath that thought was something heavier:

If they can’t handle this without me, what does that say about my leadership?

That quiet moment in a hospital recovery room was when I realized something had shifted. Not suddenly. Not loudly. But steadily over time.

I had become the always-on leader.

The Always-On Culture in Childcare

Childcare leadership is different.

We are not flipping burgers or selling products. We are entrusted with people’s children — their safety, their growth, their well-being. That responsibility should carry weight.

It is appropriate to feel a level of pressure in this field.

But there is a difference between carrying responsibility and carrying it alone. There is a difference between being committed and being constantly accessible.

Over time, many leaders cross that line without noticing.

Responsibility becomes constant availability.
Caring becomes over-functioning.
Dedication becomes chronic accessibility.

And the nervous system never gets a chance to rest.

What Chronic Stress Actually Does

Stress itself is not the problem. Short bursts of stress can sharpen awareness and improve response time. In childcare, that alertness matters.

The issue is unrelenting stress.

Decades of research on occupational burnout, including the work of psychologist Christina Maslach, shows that unmanaged, prolonged stress leads to emotional exhaustion, detachment, and a diminished sense of effectiveness. The World Health Organization now recognizes burnout as a workplace phenomenon tied directly to chronic stress that has not been successfully managed.

On a biological level, when stress is constant, cortisol remains elevated. The body stays in a low-level fight-or-flight state. Over time, this affects sleep, mood regulation, immune response, blood pressure, and long-term health.

Your body does not know that the parent issue was “just tense.”
It only knows it has not been allowed to recover.

Recovery is not indulgence. It is regulation.

The Myth of Indispensability

When I answered that call in the recovery room, I told myself it was leadership.

But if I’m honest, part of it was fear.

Fear that something would escalate without me.
Fear that I would seem unavailable.
Fear that the system was too dependent on my presence.

Here is the calm but direct truth:

If your organization cannot function for a few hours without you, that is not a badge of honor. It is information.

Strong leadership is not measured by constant responsiveness. It is measured by the strength of the systems and people you have developed.

Being indispensable feels powerful in the short term.
It is exhausting in the long term.

Some Pressure Is Inherent — Unmanaged Pressure Is Not

This field will always carry more emotional weight than many others. That is part of its calling.

But unmanaged pressure compounds. It accumulates quietly.

The goal is not to eliminate stress entirely. That would be unrealistic. The goal is to build intentional recovery into your leadership model.

Sustainable leadership requires rhythm — periods of engagement and periods of detachment.

Without detachment, there is no renewal.

A Practical Approach to Stress Management

Every leader’s situation is different. Owners carry one type of pressure. Directors carry another. Team maturity, enrollment stability, and years of experience all shape the load.

So instead of a single prescription, think of this as a menu. Choose what fits your current season.

1. Create Physical Detachment

Your nervous system cannot reset if you remain digitally tethered at all hours.

Consider:

• Clearly defining what qualifies as a true emergency
• Establishing specific response windows for non-urgent issues
• Removing your phone from your bedroom at night
• Creating a brief buffer between arriving home and checking messages

Even small shifts signal safety to your body.

2. Close Mental Loops Before You Leave

Unfinished thoughts are one of the biggest reasons stress follows you home.

Before ending your workday:

• Write tomorrow’s top three priorities
• Document unresolved issues in one central place
• Clarify next steps for anything that feels “open”

This gives your brain permission to pause.

3. Offload Emotional Weight

As leaders, we absorb.

Staff frustrations. Parent concerns. Behavioral challenges. Compliance anxieties.

You cannot indefinitely carry emotional residue without processing it.

Create space for:

• Peer conversations with another director
• Scheduled leadership debriefs
• Structured journaling after high-intensity days

Processing prevents accumulation.

4. Strengthen Structural Support

If everything routes through you, stress multiplies.

Ask yourself:

• What decisions could be pre-scripted?
• What policies need clearer boundaries?
• What scenarios could staff confidently handle with training?

Often, stress is not a personal weakness. It is a signal that the system needs reinforcement.

5. Separate Identity From Availability

This may be the most important.

You care deeply. That is one of your greatest strengths.

But you are not your center.

Your value as a leader is not measured by how exhausted you are. It is measured by your ability to create stability, clarity, and sustainability — for your team and for yourself.

Loving your work should not require sacrificing your health.

Key Takeaways

• Chronic stress without recovery leads to emotional exhaustion and physical consequences.
• Being constantly available is not synonymous with effective leadership.
• Childcare will always carry responsibility — but responsibility must be managed.
• Systems and boundaries protect both you and your organization.
• Recovery is a leadership strategy.

Reflection

If you needed to step away unexpectedly for 24 hours, how would your center function?

Where would tension surface?

That discomfort is not failure. It is feedback.

Your Next Step

Choose one small shift this week:

• Define one boundary around non-emergency communication
• Create a 10-minute end-of-day closure ritual
• Delegate one recurring decision
• Identify one situation that needs clearer structure

Sustainability is not built in dramatic moments. It is built in steady adjustments.

You love this work.

The goal is not to leave it! The goal is to lead in a way that allows you to stay — healthy, grounded, and present for the long run.