Back when I was a director, I remember receiving an email from a parent praising one of my teachers.

I smiled as I read it — because it was true.

She was amazing with children.

Her classroom ran smoothly. Her lesson plans were thoughtful and intentional. The children felt safe and seen. Parents trusted her. When families walked into her room, they exhaled. They knew their child was in good hands.

But as a few weeks went by, something began to shift.

Not with the parents.
Not with the children.

That part was still strong.

The shift showed up in smaller, quieter ways — in policy discussions, in staff dynamics, in subtle moments of tension.

That same teacher had been late three times that month.
I noticed her rolling her eyes during a staff meeting.
She openly dismissed a new policy in front of a co-worker.
Another teacher pulled me aside one afternoon and said quietly, “It’s just hard to work with her.”

And that’s when the leadership tension surfaced — the one many directors feel but rarely name:

What do you do when someone is excellent with children… but unhealthy for your team?

Not Every Difficult Employee Is the Same

Before we go further, let’s clarify something important.

There are employees who struggle with professionalism but bring real strength to the classroom. They connect beautifully with children. Parents trust them. They have skill. They have potential. They simply need clearer boundaries, stronger coaching, or greater accountability.

That is who this article is about.

But there is another category.

Sometimes an employee is not strong with children. Not collaborative with staff. Not aligned with policy. Not receptive to correction. Not reliable. Not growing.

If you have:

• Trained thoroughly
• Set expectations clearly
• Provided coaching
• Given opportunity for improvement

And there is still no alignment…

That is not toxicity that needs correction. That is misalignment that requires separation.

Some individuals are not suited for a childcare environment. Childcare demands patience, professionalism, flexibility, and humility. Not everyone thrives in that space.

Keeping someone who brings little value and consistent disruption is not compassionate leadership. It is avoidance.

For the purpose of this conversation, however, we are focusing on the employee who does bring something meaningful to the table — the one you see as more asset than liability. The one who, if guided properly, could become transformative to your program.

Those employees are worth the work.

Skill and Professionalism Are Not the Same

In childcare, we often protect people because they are strong in the classroom. That instinct makes sense. Children matter deeply.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Being good with children does not excuse unprofessional behavior.

There are many ways cultural toxicity can show up:

• Chronic lateness
• Disregarding policy
• Subtle insubordination
• Public disagreement instead of private discussion
• Conflict with co-workers
• Negative commentary that spreads quietly

Sometimes the behavior is obvious.
Sometimes it’s subtle.

Either way, culture absorbs it.

And when it goes unaddressed, the rest of your team notices.

They may not say it out loud, but they think it:

“Why does she get away with that?”
“Do standards only apply to some of us?”

Leadership is not just about protecting classrooms.
It’s about protecting culture.

Start Here: Before You Label, Get Honest

Before deciding someone is “toxic,” pause.

Ask yourself:

• Have expectations been clearly defined?
• Have policies been reinforced consistently?
• Has this behavior been addressed before?
• Or have I simply grown frustrated?

Leadership is responsible for clarity.

If expectations are vague, behavior will drift.

But there’s another layer worth examining — one that requires humility.

Is there anything within the culture of your program that may be contributing to the behavior?

For example:

• Are policies applied inconsistently across staff?
• Has feedback only been given when something goes wrong?
• Do staff feel heard when they raise concerns?
• Is there burnout spreading quietly across the team?
• Has change been communicated clearly — or abruptly?

Sometimes what looks like toxicity is actually frustration that has gone unaddressed.
Sometimes resistance grows where communication has been thin.
Sometimes disengagement follows feeling overlooked.

This does not excuse unprofessional behavior.

But it does help you diagnose it accurately.

Strong leaders don’t just correct individuals. They examine systems.

Fair leadership starts with honest self-assessment — both of the employee and of the environment.

Step One: Separate Skill from Behavior

One of the most helpful leadership shifts is this:

Performance is what they do with children.
Professionalism is how they function on the team.

Both matter.

When you address behavior, make that distinction clear:

“I value the work you do in your classroom. The children are thriving. This conversation isn’t about that. It’s about how we operate as a team.”

That sentence preserves dignity.

It lowers defensiveness.

And it keeps the conversation focused where it belongs.

Step Two: Address Behavior Early and Specifically

Avoid vague corrections like:

“You’ve had a bad attitude lately.”

Instead, calmly name the pattern:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been late three times this month.”
“In our last meeting, you dismissed the new policy in front of the team.”
“I’ve received feedback that collaboration with your co-teacher has been strained.”

Specific behavior.
Specific examples.

Then explain the impact:

“When one team member is consistently late, it creates stress for others.”
“When policies are dismissed publicly, it weakens alignment and trust.”

Clarity is not cruelty. It is kindness to the team.

Step Three: Listen Before You Conclude

After naming the issue, ask:

“Help me understand what’s going on.”

And listen.

You may hear:

• “I feel overwhelmed.”
• “I don’t agree with the policy.”
• “I didn’t realize it was affecting others.”
• “I’ve been dealing with something personal.”

Sometimes the behavior is tied to solvable issues. Sometimes it reveals deeper resistance.

Either way, listening models fairness. Employees deserve to be heard — even when correction is necessary.

Step Four: Re-State Expectations Clearly

After listening, bring the conversation back to standards.

“In our center, punctuality is non-negotiable.”
“We discuss concerns privately, not in front of the team.”
“We follow policy consistently, even when we disagree.”

Be steady.
Be calm.
Be firm.

Then define what improvement looks like:

• Arrive on time consistently.
• Bring concerns directly to leadership.
• Demonstrate respectful collaboration.

Establish a timeline.

And ask:

“What support do you need from me to meet these expectations?”

That question reinforces leadership partnership — not punishment.

Document the conversation.

Summarize:

• The specific behavior addressed
• The agreed-upon expectation moving forward
• The timeline for improvement
• Any support or resources offered

When documentation and expectations are aligned, there is no confusion about what success looks like.

It protects the employee from ambiguity.
It protects you from inconsistency.
And it protects the culture from drifting standards.

Documentation should never feel like a surprise. It should feel like a continuation of the conversation.

You might say:

“I’m going to document what we discussed today so we’re both clear moving forward.”

That statement reinforces fairness.

Then define what improvement looks like in measurable terms:

• Arrive on time for the next 30 days.
• Bring concerns directly to leadership instead of discussing them publicly.
• Demonstrate collaborative communication with your co-teacher.

When expectations are specific and written, accountability becomes objective — not personal.

And if those expectations are not met, Step Five becomes much easier. Not because you are being harsh, but because you were clear.

Step Five: Follow Through

This is where leadership courage is tested.

If behavior improves, acknowledge it. Reinforce growth.

If behavior does not improve, address it again.

Consistency builds credibility. Inconsistency builds resentment.

If patterns continue despite coaching and opportunity, further action becomes responsibility — not reaction.

The Hidden Cost of Avoidance

When we tolerate unprofessional behavior because someone is strong with children, we send a silent message:

Results matter more than respect.

That message spreads quickly.

Reliable staff begin to feel unseen.
Standards quietly erode.
Resentment grows beneath the surface.

And eventually, your strongest culture carriers may leave — not because of children, but because of environment.

Small issues rarely stay small.

A Balanced Reality

Here is what I believe:

Most employees can grow.

When expectations are clear, feedback is consistent, and leadership is fair, many people rise to the standard.

Redemption is possible.

Growth is possible.

But not everyone chooses it.

And when patterns continue despite clarity, support, and opportunity, separation may become the healthiest outcome.

Not as punishment.
Not as anger.
But as stewardship.

Your role is not only to manage individuals. It is to protect the culture of your organization.

Sometimes that protection requires patience.
Sometimes it requires courage.

Both are leadership.

Reflection

• Is there behavior you are currently tolerating?
• What message is your silence sending?
• Have you clearly defined expectations?
• Have you provided a fair opportunity for growth?
• Are you protecting one classroom at the expense of your entire team?

Leadership is rarely comfortable.

But it is always consequential.

Key Takeaways

• Not every difficult employee is redeemable — some are misaligned and require separation.
• This article focuses on strong performers whose behavior needs correction.
• Being good with children does not excuse unprofessional conduct.
• Clear expectations prevent many cultural problems.
• Address patterns early — small issues rarely stay small.
• Correction can be respectful and firm at the same time.
• Listening strengthens fairness.
• Consistency builds trust.
• Protecting culture is one of your highest responsibilities as a leader.