Back when I was a director, I remember receiving an email from a parent praising one of my teachers. I smiled as I read it—because it was true. She was amazing with children. Her classroom ran smoothly, her lesson plans were thoughtful, and the children felt safe and seen. Parents trusted her; when they walked into her room, they exhaled. They knew their child was in good hands.

But as a few weeks went by, something began to shift. Not with the parents or the children—that part was still strong. The shift showed up in smaller, quieter ways: in policy discussions, in staff dynamics, and in subtle moments of tension.

That same teacher had been late three times that month. I noticed her rolling her eyes during a staff meeting. She openly dismissed a new policy in front of a co-worker. Eventually, another teacher pulled me aside and said quietly, “It’s just hard to work with her.”

That’s when the leadership tension surfaced—the one many directors feel but rarely name:

What do you do when someone is excellent with children… but unhealthy for your team?

Not Every Difficult Employee Is the Same

Before we go further, let’s clarify something important. There are employees who struggle with professionalism but bring real strength to the classroom. They connect beautifully with children and have immense potential.

They simply need clearer boundaries, stronger coaching, or greater accountability.

‍That is who this article is about.

But there is another category. Sometimes an employee is not strong with children, not collaborative with staff, and not receptive to correction. If you have:

• Trained thoroughly
• Set expectations clearly
• Provided coaching and opportunity for improvement

...and there is still no alignment, that is not toxicity that needs correction.

That is a misalignment that requires separation.

Childcare demands patience, flexibility, and humility; not everyone thrives in this space.

Keeping someone who brings little value and consistent disruption is not compassionate leadership—it is avoidance.

For this conversation, however, we are focusing on the employee who brings something meaningful to the table—the one who, if guided properly, could become transformative. Those employees are worth the work.

Start Here: Before You Label, Get Honest

Before deciding someone is “toxic,” pause. Leadership is responsible for clarity. If expectations are vague, behavior will drift. Ask yourself:

• Have expectations been clearly defined?
• Have policies been reinforced consistently?
• Has this behavior been addressed before, or have I simply grown frustrated?

The "Hero’s Bias" Warning‍

As directors, we often fall into a mental trap: we want a talented teacher to stay so badly that we over-index on parent praises and downplay staff friction. To stay objective, look at the data: Is there high turnover or constant "drama" in that specific classroom? If so, the talent isn't outweighing the trouble.

There is another layer worth examining that requires humility:

‍Is there anything within the culture of your program contributing to the behavior?

Sometimes resistance grows where communication is thin. This does not excuse unprofessional behavior, but it helps you diagnose it accurately.

Strong leaders don’t just correct individuals; they examine systems.

Skill and Professionalism Are Not the Same

We often protect employees because they are strong in the classroom. That instinct makes sense because children matter deeply. But being good with children does not excuse unprofessional behavior.

Cultural toxicity can show up as:

• Chronic lateness or disregarding policy
• Subtle insubordination
• Public disagreement instead of private discussion
• Conflict with co-workers

Whether the behavior is obvious or subtle, the culture absorbs it. When it goes unaddressed, the rest of your team notices.

They think:

‍“Why does she get away with that?”

“Do standards only apply to some of us?”

Leadership is not just about protecting classrooms; it’s about protecting culture.

Step One: Separate Skill from Behavior

Performance is what they do with children. Professionalism is how they function on the team. Both matter.

To get through to this teacher, you must separate their skill (teaching) from their behavior (professionalism).

Try saying this:

“I want to be clear: the work you do with the children is incredible. The parents rave about you. This meeting isn't about your teaching; it’s about how we function together as a team. Right now, those two things are out of alignment.”

This preserves dignity while lowering defensiveness. It keeps the focus exactly where it belongs.

Step Two: Address Behavior Early and Specifically

Avoid vague corrections like, “You’ve had a bad attitude lately.” Instead, calmly name the pattern:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve been late three times this month.”
• “In our last meeting, you dismissed the new policy in front of the team.”
• “I’ve received feedback that collaboration with your co-teacher has been strained.”

Then, explain the impact: “When policies are dismissed publicly, it weakens alignment and trust for the whole team.”

Step Three: Listen for the “Why”

A "toxic" teacher is often a burned-out teacher. To solve the problem, you need to understand what "it" is. Visit with the employee and ask: “Help me understand what’s going on from your perspective.”

You may hear they feel overwhelmed, disagree with a policy, or are dealing with something personal. Sometimes the behavior is tied to solvable issues; other times it reveals deeper resistance. Either way, listening models the fairness you expect from them.

Step Four: Draw the Line in the Sand

After listening, bring the conversation back to standards. Be steady, calm, and firm:

• “In our center, punctuality is non-negotiable.”
• “We discuss concerns privately, not in front of the team.”

Define what the next 30 days must look like:

• Arrive on time for every shift.
• Bring concerns to me privately, not to the staff.
• Support your co-teacher's growth.

Establish a timeline and ask:

‍“What support do you need from me to meet these expectations?”

This reinforces partnership over punishment.

Document the Conversation

‍Summarize the specific behavior, the agreed-upon expectation, the timeline, and the support offered. Documentation should never be a surprise; it is a continuation of the conversation.

Say: “I’m going to document what we discussed today so we’re both clear moving forward.”

This protects the employee from ambiguity and protects the culture from drifting standards.

Step Five: Follow Through

This is where leadership courage is tested. If behavior improves, acknowledge it and reinforce that growth. If it does not, address it again.

Consistency builds credibility; inconsistency builds resentment.

If patterns continue despite coaching, further action becomes a responsibility to the center, not a personal reaction.

The Hidden Cost of Avoidance

When we tolerate unprofessional behavior because someone is strong with children, we send a silent message: Results matter more than respect.

‍Don't forget the co-teacher: While you are managing the "rockstar," their co-teacher is often suffering in silence. They are the ones carrying the invisible burden of the rockstar's moods and lateness.

If you don't act, you risk losing your most reliable staff members because they can no longer breathe in the environment you've allowed to persist.

‍Small issues rarely stay small.

A Balanced Reality

I believe most employees can grow. When expectations are clear and leadership is fair, people often rise to the standard. Redemption and growth are possible.

But not everyone chooses it. When patterns continue despite clarity and opportunity, separation may become the healthiest outcome—not as an act of anger, but as an act of stewardship.

Your role is to protect the culture of your organization. Sometimes that requires patience; sometimes it requires courage. Both are leadership.

Reflection

• Is there behavior you are currently tolerating?
• What message is your silence sending to the rest of your team?
• Are you protecting one classroom at the expense of your entire culture?

Key Takeaways

1. Redeemable vs. Misaligned: Know when to coach and when to separate.
2. Skill ≠ Professionalism: Classroom talent never excuses workplace toxicity.
3. Clarity Prevents Chaos: Clearly defined expectations stop problems before they start.
4. Address the Pattern: Speak up early before small issues become culture-killers.
5. Listen and Document: Fairness requires hearing their side, but accountability requires a written record.
6. Protect the Culture: Your highest responsibility is the environment of the entire center.