Becoming a leader is a major transition. Overnight, you’re managing a team, guiding families, and making dozens of decisions each day—many of them unfamiliar and high-stakes.

At first, you may feel energized. Confident. Or completely overwhelmed.
Often, it’s all three.

This lesson is about understanding where you are in your leadership journey—so you can move forward with intention instead of staying stuck in survival mode.

The Honeymoon… and the Crash

For many new leaders, the first few months feel surprisingly smooth.
The team is welcoming. Families are kind. Systems seem to work.

You think, “I can do this.”

This is what we call the honeymoon phase.

Often, this calm comes from stepping into a center with strong staff or established systems. Your optimism fuels your energy, and things flow—at least for a while.

Then something shifts.

A staffing shortage.
A licensing issue.
A difficult parent.
A mistake you didn’t see coming.

Suddenly, you go from floating… to flailing.
You’ve entered Survival Mode.

I remember this moment clearly.

I was directing a large center with 187 children enrolled. The entire executive team from the company was heading to a leadership retreat in Lake Arrowhead, and I felt confident—my center was running smoothly.

Thirty minutes after arriving at the retreat, my assistant director called. A parent was furious and demanded to speak with me immediately.

While other directors reflected in the mountain air, I spent hours trying to repair a broken relationship with a long-time family. That moment kicked off months of challenges that didn’t let up.

Just like that, I wasn’t leading anymore.
I was surviving.

Why Surviving Leads to Burnout

Survival mode isn’t just exhausting—it’s cyclical.

When you’re surviving:

Problems pile up
Time gets tighter
Stress increases
Burnout follows

You patch one hole, and another opens.

Leadership becomes reactive instead of intentional. You manage out of necessity instead of leading by design. Over time, leadership starts to feel heavy, lonely, and unsustainable.

This is the trap.

And escaping it starts with understanding where you are.

The Four Phases of Leadership

Survival isn’t a failure—and it isn’t permanent.

Every director moves through four broad phases of leadership. These phases aren’t rigid, and you may move back and forth between them at different times. What matters is recognizing your current phase so you can grow with clarity instead of reacting on autopilot.

Phase 1: Surviving

You’re in constant response mode. Every day feels like firefighting.

The Trap: Believing this is just what leadership feels like
The Shift: Keep moving—don’t settle for survival

Phase 2: Growing

You begin finding rhythm. Systems start to form. Confidence slowly builds.

The Trap: Perfectionism and fear of mistakes
The Shift: Embrace the mess—growth requires motion

Phase 3: Guiding

You shift from doing to leading. You mentor staff and influence culture.

The Trap: Control—trying to carry too much yourself
The Shift: Trust others and let leadership expand

Phase 4: Thriving

You lead with clarity, consistency, and confidence.

The Trap: Complacency—thinking you’ve “arrived”
The Shift: Keep learning. Keep growing.

No Hiding: The Emotional Reality of Survival

Fight-or-flight doesn’t only show up in emergencies—it shows up in leadership, too.

I once coached a new director who had an excellent first six months. Then came her first parent complaint. Then another. Soon, every phone call made her anxious.

One day, a parent who had complained before walked toward her office.

She panicked—and hid under her desk.

Yes. Literally.

It’s funny now—but in that moment, it was real. She wasn’t thinking like a leader. She was trying to survive.

When pressure builds, many leaders hide—emotionally, mentally, or physically. We react instead of lead. And that’s what keeps us stuck in burnout.

The Only Way Out: Shifting from Survival

Whether you stepped into a thriving center or a full-on mess, leadership eventually gets heavy.

That’s normal.

But survival is not meant to be permanent.

To move forward, you don’t need perfection.
You need awareness.
You need a plan.
You need space to grow.

The sooner you move out of survival, the sooner you regain the capacity to lead—not just manage.

And that begins with knowing where you are.

Your Next Step: Identify Your Phase

Before moving on, take a few minutes to complete the Leadership Phase Audit in the workbook.

This short reflection will help you:

Identify which leadership phase you’re currently in
Notice patterns that may be keeping you in survival mode
Clarify one small shift that can help you move forward

There’s no “right” phase to be in. This audit isn’t a test—it’s a snapshot.

Awareness is the first step out of survival and into intentional leadership.
When you’re ready, turn to the workbook and complete the Lesson 4 audit.

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