The Difficult Parent: What You Don’t See

Have you ever had a parent who feels cold, short, or demanding? It is easy to take that personally, but most of the time, the behavior you see is just the tip of the iceberg. We can’t know exactly what sits beneath the surface—it could be work pressure, personal stress, or the heavy guilt of being away from their child—but we can be certain that their demeanor almost never has anything to do with you.

When we only respond to the behavior we see, we often find ourselves either reacting with that same coldness or, at the very least, taking the interaction personally. Both reactions drain your energy. But when you look past the surface and lead with empathy, the energy changes. You don’t need to see everything a parent is carrying to change how they feel when they walk through your door.

Here are a few ways to do that:

Stay Steady: Keep your tone calm. Don’t let their high energy pull you out of your professional composure.

Give the Benefit of the Doubt: Treat their intensity as a sign of their own struggle. This mindset is your best defense against getting defensive.

Show Them You Care: Share a small, positive moment from the child’s day. It is hard for a parent to stay guarded when they see you are a genuine advocate for their child.

Be the Constant: Greet them by name and stay warm, even if they aren't. Your consistency builds the bridge of trust over time.